Sometimes it can be the best thing ever. Sometimes it's an absolute bitch. At the moment I feel like it's practically bullying me. I just ask for a nice week, the calm before the storm as such. Do I get it? Do I boot.
I have been so proud of myself lately, so dignified and avoided all forms of confrontation and backstabbing. I have been a decent person who cares about others more than herself and I try and help out wherever and whoever I can without battering an eyelid. However it seems as if I am only allowed one good thing to happen to me at a time. They always say bad things come in 3's... Why can't good things too? For every one piece of good I have been recognised for I get another 3 shitty pieces of news that just throw me back to square one and make me think there's no point in even trying on myself anymore.
So is this karma just telling me to give up? Is this karma telling me to buck my ideas up and sort my almost unnecessary life out of being alone and being nowhere near achieving your dreams? Or is this a sign that something big and wonderful will hopefully be coming my way soon? I don't really know but either way I wish it would stop making me so emotional. I've got no time for tears now.
I've gone so back to square one that I barely have the confidence to publish these blogs anymore. I feel like there is nothing but negativity as every time I try to be positive something tells me I'm not allowed to be. As much as writing these blogs genuinely does help me, and I thoroughly recommend them to anyone else who has difficulty saying what's on their mind, every time I write them I get teary eyed at the thought of helplessness. Hopefully one good read and one good cry is all I need.
