Lucky Number 7

I hope the title remains true... Some good luck could really do with coming my way some time soon, please. 

I have noticed that my blogs are getting further and further apart. It's not that I'm not interested, it's just that I'm just working a lot again and have more to talk about and more to condense. 

It was a testing week for me this week; my first week back at my old job but in a new department. If there was one word to describe my week: different. I can't believe how much it is different than what I am used to. It's relaxing, inviting and has potential to be exciting- but I'm not holding my breath. 

I'm trying to keep quiet and keep my distance but as my previous blogs have vaguely told, I'm not very good at doing either. However, this is my lesson for the week that I need to try and teach myself: try and keep your distance, stay quiet and just listen.

The one thing my mother and my wifey (my best friend) have always told me; it's that I am far too nice to people and therefore end up trusting too easily. It's got me into terrible situations. It's got me spiked 3 times, it's got me into counselling sessions, and most of all it's made me insecure and anxious constantly. It made 2013 completely diabolical. 

This blog, along with other things, has made me realise that I just need to at least TRY and snap out of it. Not everyone is like me, yeah it sucks that trust in humanity has decreased so recently, but I need to snap out of it- if I carry on being so sensitive and trusting then finding that special someone for me will be so much harder. And incase you haven't gathered by now, I still hate being single. 

So that's it for probably another week now, maybe there'll be some fabulous news coming soon. Fingers crossed! 

How long can I stay quiet for? Who knows? Let's see...

Here goes nothing...

6...

So... It's been one hell of a week. I can't describe how busy and hectic my life has been recently. On the plus side though, it is all for the better. I have made a fair amount of bold moves and decisions which will have affected my life professionally and personally. 


I'm obviously not going to go into specifics, it's not right to do so publicly but the main bold move in my life this week is that I have left the job I loved for another opportunity. The fact is that my old job was not enough money, and if I could've taken my fellow managers with me I would. They are two of the greatest people I have ever known and am privileged to call them my friends. It was such a lovely little place to work but sometimes, I've learnt, in life you have to be a little bit selfish. It pays to be selfish- BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. I had to think about my finances, my independence and most importantly my pride.

I am returning to an old job, but in a different department. The reasons for this decision is again not for here but even though I am going back to similar circumstances I can't help but be extremely worried. I'm worried about what people think of me, I'm worried about people judging me and I'm worried about seeing certain people again as I haven't, and can't right now, physically prepare myself for that. I don't want to be someone who can't make their mind up all the time and come begging; I am not that type of person. 

If you may or may not have guessed by now, I worry way too much and my paranoia takes the better of me most of the time. My biggest fault is that I assume the worst in everything when it comes to my life. The last year or so has been the worst and best time. Literally; could not be more of an extreme year. 2013 was the worst year of my life. Fact. If I can achieve anything from this blog, it is to make sure I don't do this crap anymore; it's the main reason I get down so much. 

I am such a positive person when it comes to other people and their lives, so why can't I be like that with mine? If anybody can offer me tips then that would be awesome. I need to admit that there are some things I can't do completely on my own, I need someone else to help out here and there. Maybe it's time to start working out when that's the case. Let's see...

Here goes nothing... 

5th Post... Post haste.

In honour of some dear friends I called the post title the one I did... So there you go guys, just for you! 

If today can be described in one word it's productive. It's been productive physically, mentally, and most of all emotionally. Not only do I feel like a massive weight has been lifted out of my wardrobe and my house, but it's been lifted off of my shoulders. 

I'm going to keep this blog relatively short and sweet. I don't feel like I need to write today of all my philosophical discoveries; I've been too busy living them and realising that writing everything down really is my preferred form of "therapy". 

It may have only been a week since I wrote this, but today is the first time where I've felt like it has actually meant something. Today is the start of me acknowledging that I have therapy. I have resolutions. Everyone has their own way of coping with issues. This is mine. 

How long will I feel this good? Who knows? Let's see...

Here goes nothing! 

May the 4th Be With You

So yeah, it isn't the 4th of May, heck it isn't even the 4th but it is my 4th post so I can get away with using that title. 

Today and yesterday have been full of surprises and spontaneity and I love it! I've not felt this happy and comfortable in my own skin for a long time. It's rather a strange but lovely feeling; and it's safe to say that I have this blog and the viewers to thank for it. I have been so overwhelmed by people's reactions to this it has made me feel inspired to keep this up and turn it into a more permanent and prominent feature in my life. I've had all sorts of reactions, however none negative. I've had someone start a blog because of me, I've had people say it has made them think about their life and I've had people say it's amazing. Words can't describe how satisfying it feels to know that someone is talking about you and your work in a positive light. 

It's almost like a new confidence and my teachings are working for others; now it's just time to get them to work for me. If there is one lesson I want to teach myself it's that being honest and not hiding what you think is not such a bad thing. There are a lot of thoughts going on in my head right now; and have been for a long time. If there is one word that describes me as a person... honestly... it's scared. I am terrified of telling people exactly what goes in in my head, incase of people not wanting to know me the way they do. 

Admitting such a thing is a big deal to me; I would never say something as bold or brash as this usually. However, if there is anything this blog has told me, it's freedom of speech. The last three blogs wrote of what to think about, what to do with my life. This blog is me living it; proof of me embracing all that I've said so far and acknowledging just a few of my faults. I wish I could just tell the world everything and exactly how I feel, but I'm not sure I'm that confident yet. I just want to see what the world has to offer now; I can't wait. How long will I be this happy for? Who knows?

Let's see...

Third Time Lucky.

It may sound like an awful cliché but sometimes I count myself lucky, sometimes I count my blessings. Either way I have to count up everything in my life. 

Today I can count how many wonderful people I have in my life... Well not exactly; but I can assure you that it is a lot more than I ever expected. Today has been such an eye opener, and the teaching from my first blog has become so apparent. Unfortunately it was on my side- I was idiotic to assume that certain people would react certain ways to news or events. I was quick to judge, quick to assume the worst in people. 

Because of these wonderful people I have realised two things today: 1) Expect the unexpected. 2) Never assume the worst in people. 

The people that have been around me today have surprised me. I am so grateful for who I have, everything I have. Today is a day where I can truly count my blessings. I cannot quite believe how understanding and welcoming people can be, whether they be a best friend or a stranger. From now on I will not assume, otherwise it'll make me worry about the consequences; and let's face it, at 24 going on 25, I am way too young to be anxious about life and everything it throws at me. Life is too short to worry so much; embrace everything and everyone that life throws at you. So how long will I keep this up? How long will I not worry for? Who knows? Let's see...

Here goes nothing...

Round Two.

Today I feel ready to tackle the first of my tribulations. I'm not expecting it to be a startling revelation that will change my life, just the beginning of a long lasting resolution. 

If there is one thing that I am possibly most afraid of in life, it is being on my own. I hate it when I'm in the house on my own. I hate falling asleep and waking up on my own. I hate feeling like I'm on my own. The fact is though, I am on my own. I am grateful for who I have in my life and the amount of love and respect I have for them is unparalleled, but I don't have that someone who constantly makes me feel loved. And as much as I hate admitting it, I am not enjoying being single one bit. I want someone to love me, be with me, appreciate me.

This tribulation is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to being confused. Yesterday the one thing I aimed to come to terms with was the idea that people judge you for anything; today I'm learning that nothing is simple and nothing will ever always go to plan perfectly. Just when I think something is going my way, or at least how I would like it to, something or someone throws a curveball.

Now if there is one thing my mother has always said, it's that I struggle to cope with anything that doesn't go according to my exact plan. I have always refused to admit it, denied any form of struggle. However as this is part of my 'therapy', it is now time to give in and declare: MUM, YOU WERE RIGHT. It is this situation, this tribulation that has made me realise it. The truth is I am struggling being on my own, however when someone comes along I don't know how to handle it and thus steer them away from me. And because I struggle I crave for it even more. I hope this changes soon. Maybe admitting it is the first of many steps. Who knows? Let's see...


Here goes nothing...