So it has been a real long time since I've done a blog. This tool helped in so many ways by letting voices be heard when there was seemingly no other way. It provided a chance to let all my frustrations out without fear of judgement.
I thought I might have been able to escape certain demons but today marks a day that definitely needs speaking about.
A year ago today my world turned upside down. A year ago today I found out the love of my life had found love in the arms of someone else who claimed to be a good friend of mine, who was also pregnant with his baby. A year ago today I was helping my best friend in a time of need when I did not know that soon after I would be the one needing help.
It's a strange anniversary to mark but one that definitely needs doing so. Life had never been so dark and I'd never felt so many emotions and physically sick from the last 24 hours.
Being stuck in a car for 90 minutes having to endure the pain of finding out everything because he wasn't man enough to tell me, with no way of escaping, was the worst. Having hours, days, weeks, months of feeling broken just felt like the pain was never going to stop. A lot of people, a tremendous amount of support, all told me it was going to get better. Did I believe them at the time? No. Do I believe them now? Hell yeah!
A year has passed and although the pain can still resonate with a yearning for someone to make me feel as loved as he did, I've not felt this good in a long, long time.
He may have moved on with her (because he doesn't know how to be on his own) but if it wasn't for this day last year I would not be in my own house, in a better job, having a far better relationship with friends and family than ever imagined. The support from my family and friends was far beyond what can be imagined. I could never repay their kindness, never did I think so many people appreciated me and wanted to help. Despite all of this anger and tension and lack of trust I now have in the human race there is only one real thing to say...
Thank you to my ex-boyfriend who chose to lose the best thing he ever had, because although I still feel pain and sadness, I've realised that the best thing I ever had was me.
