Round Two.

Today I feel ready to tackle the first of my tribulations. I'm not expecting it to be a startling revelation that will change my life, just the beginning of a long lasting resolution. 

If there is one thing that I am possibly most afraid of in life, it is being on my own. I hate it when I'm in the house on my own. I hate falling asleep and waking up on my own. I hate feeling like I'm on my own. The fact is though, I am on my own. I am grateful for who I have in my life and the amount of love and respect I have for them is unparalleled, but I don't have that someone who constantly makes me feel loved. And as much as I hate admitting it, I am not enjoying being single one bit. I want someone to love me, be with me, appreciate me.

This tribulation is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to being confused. Yesterday the one thing I aimed to come to terms with was the idea that people judge you for anything; today I'm learning that nothing is simple and nothing will ever always go to plan perfectly. Just when I think something is going my way, or at least how I would like it to, something or someone throws a curveball.

Now if there is one thing my mother has always said, it's that I struggle to cope with anything that doesn't go according to my exact plan. I have always refused to admit it, denied any form of struggle. However as this is part of my 'therapy', it is now time to give in and declare: MUM, YOU WERE RIGHT. It is this situation, this tribulation that has made me realise it. The truth is I am struggling being on my own, however when someone comes along I don't know how to handle it and thus steer them away from me. And because I struggle I crave for it even more. I hope this changes soon. Maybe admitting it is the first of many steps. Who knows? Let's see...


Here goes nothing...